Piano Man Deja Vu
by emmy m.d
Summary: The serious version of my already posted House M.D. Piano Man. Hope you enjoy!
1. So It Begins Again

**Disclaimed.**

**And so it begins anew. Welcome to the serious version of House M.D. Piano Man. This one should be updated WAY more often than the first one. I wasn't smart enough to get a song list together before I started writing. Probably because I didn't expect it to go as far as it did. Anyways, the serious version is going to be WAY longer because I find it to be virtually impossible to rank my favorite "serious" songs. Obviously he's not gonna just jump straight into the serious but it isn't going to be shits and giggles either. This will be harder to write people reactions to so I hope I do ok. Yes, I stole most of **_**-BUT NOT ALL-**_**the first chapter from myself. But I gave me permission so it's ok. Hope you enjoy!**

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"House...I have a great idea. It'll get the board off my back about your participation in hospital benefits, AND it'll get me off YOUR back about your participation in hospital benefits." Cuddy walked into House's office in what seemed like a good mood. He looked her over once.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell Cuddles...I don't know. Last time you wouldn't stop calling and you got so needy...that thing you do with your tongue was pretty cool though." He gave her an "I'm sorry but not really" look and she rolled her eyes. He spoke again. "I don't do benefits. Unless there will be bikini clad lesbians wrestling in jello. Strawberry preferably. It tastes the best, plus looks really cool."

Sighing, she placed her hands on her hips. "Funny...anyway. The hospital is hosting a fundraising event in two weeks...you WILL be there and you WILL wear a tux. But the beauty of it is you won't have to talk to anyone! And no one will talk to you and you won't offend any potential investors!...Hopefully."

"Oh really? How are you planning on managing that? Making me the sexy assistant in your magic show and leaving me locked in the disappearing box? Don't think so." House put his feet on his desk. "Besides...I don't look as good as you do in sequin corsets and fishnets."

"What if I told you, you could sit down the whole night and have as many drinks as you want...within reason...brought to you on a tray by a gorgeous waitress?" She leaned forward on his desk. Her shirt gaped a bit and she knew it. Hell, anything to get him to a benefit. House set his feet on the floor.

"I'm listening."

Cuddy smiled. "I want you to play for the benefit. It's perfect for you! You won't even know you're there!" _And for the sake of everyone's feelings, they won't know you're there either._ She stared at House, waiting for his response. She could tell how hard he was considering this. Cuddy kept her face calm but on the inside fireworks were going off. FINALLY, she may have won one!

"All that...and three weeks off clinic and you have your piano man."

"One week."

"Two."

"Deal!" Cuddy clapped her hands once. Victory was hers!

"And of course I play what I want. As in, NO requests. I do NOT do requests. And I retain the right to hit anyone who tries to make a request with my cane." House raised his eyebrows. Cuddy knew no exceptions would be made. But surely he wouldn't REALLY hit anyone just for asking him to play a song...right?

"Of course! Play what you want. Just play! And show up on time and wear a tux. Keep the tie on for at least forty-five minutes and _then _you can take it off."

House pretended to think it over and nodded. With that, the deal was struck. Cuddy grinned and walked out. Right as House was turning on his gameboy she stuck her head back in.

"Those two weeks off clinic duty start AFTER you perform...so get down there!" With that she left for good before he could make a sarcastic remark about slave drivers with big chests. He started his game.

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**Deja Vu huh? Anyways, since I didn't have to write an entire new chapter (I'm lazy, you'll live) I'm going to be gracious enough to pop out A SECOND CHAPTER right now. Which will be my third update today. I think that can hold you over for a couple days, hm?**


	2. Sick

**Disclaimed.**

House was standing in front of the mirror fiddling with his clothes. Wilson was in the doorway pestering like always.

"So what are you going to play?"

"Stop asking."

"Tell me. I'm curious...it's not every day you do...well...anything to help out Cuddy. I want to know what you're going to play. Do you even know or will you just wing it?"

"I haven't decided. Now go away or I won't let you come."

"Are you nervous?" House just gave Wilson a pointed look at that.

"Never." _Always._

Wilson walked up to House and straightened his tie. They were at House's place getting ready to leave for the benefit. Everyone was going. Ever since the news had been leaked about House playing, that was all anyone ever talked about. It was a shock to many that a man as crass and loutish as Greg House could ever do anything so delicate as playing the piano. And well enough to be invited by the Dean of Medicine herself, Lisa Cuddy! Of course really that wasn't much of a shock. Everyone knew who wore the pants in THAT relationship. House's own team had bugged him to the point of complete insanity with questions. None of which had gotten a straight answer out of the man. But the night was tonight and all would be answered. The room would be packed and out the door, all to see him play. The only part that bothered him was that they weren't there for the music, they were there for the spectacle. House would never admit that though.

"Stop playing with my tie Wilson, you are completely bursting my personal bubble."

Wilson rolled his eyes and let House fix it himself. A few minutes later, House turned to Wilson.

"Look ok?"

"You look fine. Cuddy's going to be amazed to see you shaved."

"I didn't shave for this! I'm trying out a new look."

"Sure...anyway. I called your parents. They can't make it down but your mother want me to film your little 'piano recital' for them so she can show it to her friends and brag about her son; the brilliant doctor piano man."

"You don't have a camera."

"Don't need one. I'm sure someone there will make us a copy off their recording. I know for a fact, at least 6 people are bringing cameras. Two of them are on your team actually. And Cuddy."

House rolled his eyes.

"Let's get this over with..."

Off they drove to have House shatter his well-built reputation as a misanthropic bastard.

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"And now it is my deepest honor to introduce our very own, Dr. Gregory House, who will be gracing us with his lovely piano playing." Cuddy motioned to the wings and begrudgingly, House limped out onto the hot stage. For the first time, cold tendrils of nerves danced across his skin as he noticed just how many people were there. He hadn't played for a crowd this big since high school. Polite applause drizzled from the crowd. He nodded deeply once before taking the microphone.

"I uh...I'm not really the nicest guy in the room. And quite frankly I couldn't care less. If I did it's quite possible that I would just die on the spot. Which I know many of you would be perfectly ok with...some of you more than others. But I would just like to ask you not to take out your grudges against me on the music." With that he nodded once more and took his seat, replacing the mic on the stand fixed to classic black grand piano. He thought a moment before touching the keys lightly. Suddenly a melody that wasn't slow or fast, nor happy or sad flowed from the beautiful instrument. From the moment the first note was played, it was clear man and piano had become one and to separate one from the other would surely cause the demise of both. Then, he began to sing.

_"All day staring at the ceiling  
Making friends with shadows on my wall  
All night hearing voices telling me  
That I should get some sleep  
Because tomorrow might be good for something  
Hold on  
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown  
And I don't know why"_

His voice was smoother than most would have expected. But it still had the gruff quality of House.__

"But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public  
Dodging glances on the train  
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me  
I can hear them whisper  
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me  
Out of all the hours thinking  
Somehow I've lost my mind"

House's team was sharing a table with Cuddy and Wilson. None of the five had wanted to bring dates, hoping to focus all their attention on their boss and friend. Although the song wasn't completely out of character for the man, they had all been expecting something different. Perhaps songs that took personal jabs at his co-workers. Not this song that seemed to almost show that House could possibly, maybe, halfway have a hint of emotion and a heart buried somewhere underneath years of vicodin and gripping pain.__

"But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be"

Perhaps it was only Wilson and Cuddy who truly grasped the meaning behind the lyrics "How I used to be" but it didn't cheapen the song for the rest of those listening.__

I've been talking in my sleep  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
Yeah, they're taking me away

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be"

No one in the audience quite knew what to say. The ones who knew House were astonished at this display of humanity. The ones who didn't were clearly captivated by the man's grace with the piano, and passion for music in general.__

"Yeah, how I used to be  
How I used to be  
Well, I'm just a little unwell  
How I used to be  
How I used to be"

Applause poured from all sides and swirled around the man on stage. But it was as though he were a rock in the middle of a rushing river, completely oblivious to the water rushing around him. He was lost in his own thoughts as he softly sang the last words of the song.

"_I'm just a little unwell"_


	3. The Used

**Disclaimed.**

After the first song everyone was on the edge of their seats wondering what would be next. House said nothing. He merely plinked out a melody that had to be much harder than it sounded. He seemed to be deciding what to play next. Suddenly it began. The lyrics seemed so House-like it seemed clear he had written it even though he hadn't said anything about it.

_"You won't ever amount to much  
You won't be anyone  
Now tell me what you were thinking of,  
How could you think you would be enough_

It's not that you have stayed too long  
And it's not that you've done something wrong  
It's not your fault  
That you embarrass us all

You're a hand me down  
It's better when you're not around  
You feel good and you look like you should  
But you won't ever make us proud"

Chase looked at his plate and fiddled with his napkin. It seemed he too was lost in thought, trapped in his mind by himself. And who else held the key but the Piano Man up on stage, the one dragging out dusty suitcases of old memories of a careless father and a distant mother for the Australian doctor.__

"You've been used by an army of kings  
You've been touched by the lips of a queen  
Now we've all made good use of you  
But you won't be needed again

So why don't you move and let someone else in  
And make some room for a new harlequin  
'Cause you never know when  
You'll disappoint us again

You're a hand me down  
It's better when you're not around  
You feel good and you look like you should  
But you won't ever make us proud

Now you're a hand me down  
It's better when you're not around  
You feel good and look like you should  
But you could never make us proud  
Hand me down"

Tears teased Cameron's eyes as she thought of her past filled with fleeting romance and being type-cast as "That Girl." The pretty one who did everything she was told and it just wasn't ever enough. Not for herself at least. She had come so far and yet it was clear still that she would always be "That Girl."__

"Now look at you  
With your worn out shoes  
Living proof evolution's through  
We're stuck with you  
This revolution's doomed

'Cause you're a hand me down  
It's better when you're not around  
You feel good and you look like you should  
But you could never make us proud"

Foreman thought of his mother. He felt glad that she was bad off enough not to remember his crime riddled past. But he felt guilty about that relief. Guilty that he should be happy she would be sick enough to blindly love a son who had disappointed her in so many ways. Perhaps it was better though. That she get to live out her last few years in blissful ignorance. Even if it meant she wouldn't truly know the man her son had become.__

"You're a hand me down  
It's better when you're not around  
You feel good and you look like you should  
But you won't ever make us proud"  


House found it hard to cover the lump in his throat as he thought of his own past mistakes and family tragedies. The mother who couldn't find it in her to break the rules of society and protect herself and her son, the father who cared for no one but himself, the boy who was so lost as a child and an adult. The boy who covered his fears and imagined shortcomings with his talents and genius. His wit and snark. The boy who late at night still had to force himself not to cry out, even though there was no way his father would hear.

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**I forgot to post it but the song in the last chapter was "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty. This chapters song was "Hand Me Down" by The Wallflowers.**


	4. His Own Kryptonite

**Disclaimed.**

**Dude I'm just popping em out tonight! I've been writing all day basically. Neat-o.**

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As most of the audience wore matching expressions of introspect it is probably a good thing that House didn't speak. No one would have heard them. The man at the bar had been wiping the same glass since House had began playing, completely hypnotised by the magic of House's fingers orchestrated. He continued with the music.

_"I can't stand to fly  
I'm not that naive  
I'm just out to find   
The better part of me._

I'm more than a bird  
I'm more than a plane  
I'm more than some a pretty face beside a train.   
And it's not easy to be me.

Wish that I could cry  
Fall upon my knees  
Find a way to lie  
'Bout a home I'll never see "

There are people who just hear music. They sing along without ever really knowing the words. Without truly knowing the feeling and meaning behind the lyrics. That night, not a person in that room just heard the music. Some of them, for the first time in their lives, truly listened.__

"It may sound absurd  
But don't be naive  
Even heroes have the right to bleed  
I may be disturbed  
But won't you concede  
Even heroes have the right to dream.  
It's not easy to be me."

Cuddy sat, both hands in her lap, both eyes trained on the man she hadn't seen for years. For the first time since the infarction, House was gone. This man on stage, this pied piper of pianos, this was Greg. Her Greg.__

"Up, up an' away, away from me  
Well it's alright.  
You can all sleep sound tonight.  
I'm not crazy, or anything.

I can't stand to fly  
I'm not that naive.  
Men weren't meant to ride   
With clouds between their knees."

Not for the first, or last time, Wilson was speechless. Sure, he had heard House play before but...not like this. Never like this. Ingrid Bergman once said "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." Wilson decided House's music was a trick designed by some God or Goddess on a mountain in the sky to stop the heart when the mind became too crowded. He hadn't ever realized how much he over thought things until he was given the gift of just being able to sit. And listen.__

"I'm only a man in a silly red sheet  
Diggin' for kryptonite on this one way street.  
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet.  
Lookin' for special things inside of me.  
Inside of me  
Inside of me   
Inside of me  
Inside of me."

Foreman was speechless. If this was House...if this was who he truly was...maybe becoming him wouldn't be so awful.__

"I'm only a man on a funny red sheet.  
I"m only a man lookin' for a dream  
I'm only a man on a funny red sheet  
It's not easy to be me "

The crowd was huge. At least 150 to 200 in the room. And as the piano stopped for him to sing the last line without music, not a sound was heard other the the blood rushing through their ears and the baited breath that clung to their lips.__

"It's not easy to be me. "

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**The song was "Superman" by Five For Fighting.**


	5. Cursed

**Disclaimed.**

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The songs until now had been at least a little bit light. The melody purring from beneath House's dancing fingertips was both tortured and beautiful; hurting and healing. The music alone was different and captivating. The lyrics began and it was clear from the beginning they would tear you down only to set you back up again.

_"We've heard the tales since we were young  
Heard the songs that have been sung  
About an evil spell_

Someone beautiful is cursed  
We feel sad through every verse  
Til a kiss and all is well

The message that no one can see  
Is clearer to someone like me"

Foreman leaned forward, elbows on knees, chin on hands. Entranced by the beauty of this song, both simple and entangling, that spoke to him so clearly. Cameron unabashedly wiped fallen tears from her blushing cheeks. No one expected this bewitching aria to come from such a locked in man as House. Someone so coarse and brutal surely couldn't have composed a refrain so expressive and arresting as this.__

"There is no curse or evil spell  
That's worse than one we give ourselves  
There is no sorcerer as cruel  
As the proud, angry fool

And yet we cry "life isn't fair"  
Beneath our cries the truth is there"

Cuddy bit her painted lips and sat, tense, enthralled by the man's performance. This is what reminded her of why she had ever been able to love him, all those years ago. That ship had sailed, however, and even if they both wanted it, trying to do it again would taint the memory of the happy times they had shared so long ago.__

"The power that will break the spell  
We should know very well  
Is locked within ourselves

Yet we'd rather blame  
And curse out fate than change  
We run from everyone to hide from the pain  
And all the shame"

Chase sat, open-mouthed. There were no words to describe the feelings this melody was stirring within him. Feelings he had either long ago buried, or finally forgotten. They all seemed to erupt to the surface in bursts and shouts, demanding to be heard. It was overwhelming to say the very least.__

"The story's old, we know it well  
About a wretched evil spell  
The power that will break this curse  
Oh I know all too well  
Is locked within myself"

House sat for a few minutes in silence once the song was over. No one spoke. No one even moved. Surely, if they did it would break the spell._  
_

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**"The Curse" from the 1993 movie Rigoletto.**

**Just so you all know, I'm writing this piece as if House had composed these songs himself. We all know he didn't but just for the story's sake...**


	6. Burn

**Disclaimed.**

**Took a short break and now I'm back. This story has had over 100 views and just a handful reviews. Sad, but oh well. Enjoy.**

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Regaining the moment, House once more laid flesh to ivory. A smooth fluid melody with soul infiltrated the senses of the audience.

_"It's not a silly little moment  
It's not the storm before the calm   
This is the deep and dying breath  
Of this love that we've been working on_

Can't seem to hold you like I want to  
So I can feel you in my arms  
Nobody's gonna come and save you  
We pulled too many false alarms"

Cuddy's eyebrows arched to her hairline. Was he singing about her? Was this song for her? A tingling sensation flooded her body. He couldn't possibly miss their relationship as much as she did...could he? Was it possible? From her toes to head, every nerve ending was on red alert. This had to be about her. If he looked at her, the song was for her. _God, please look at me._

"We're going down  
And you can see it, too  
We're going down  
And you know that we're doomed  
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

I was the one you always dreamed of  
You were the one I tried to draw  
How dare you say it's nothing to me?  
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw  
I'll make the most of all the sadness  
You'll be a bitch because you can  
You'll try to hit me just to hurt me  
So you leave me feeling dirty  
Cause you can't understand"

At the bar, a middle aged brunette turned slowly, drink in hand to look at the stage. Stacy. Skin flushed and jaw tense she swallowed. She thought back to all the times House had told her how beautiful she was. How he had said he wished he could really catch it in a picture. Had he ever tried to draw her? She couldn't remember. Would he put something like that so plainly in a song? It wasn't very House-like. Which of course made it completely House-like. Was he singing about her? Did he want her to leave Mark? A strangled sigh escaped her throat and confusion etched itself across her face. A huge part of her wished she had tried harder when he was sick. Tried to forgive more. But once you tear the day off the calendar you can't ever glue it back on straight. No matter how hard you try.__

"We're going down  
And you can see it, too  
We're going down  
And you know that we're doomed  
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

Go cry about it, why don't you?  
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room"

Cameron stared. Not a tear dropped. Her breath didn't hitch. As much as she wanted it, there wasn't a single part of her that thought this song was about her. Stacy probably, Cuddy maybe. Not Allison Cameron. Not her.

_"Don't you think we oughta know by know?  
Don't you think we should have learned somehow?"_

As the last few notes faded from the song, House's eyes searched the audience. He wanted to see if she had caught it. That line he had tossed her. Hoping she and caught it and was willing to hold on for dear life. Stormy blue eyes met stormy grey green. He saw hope. She saw fear. If she wasn't sure before she was now.

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**"Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" John Mayer**


	7. Hallelujah

**Disclaimed.**

**Hello all! Just so you know, although I am a die hard Hameron, that doesn't mean the last chapter was necessarily about her. But all will be revealed in the final chapter about who Slow Dancing was for. Like I said, this version will be much longer because I found it difficult to choose between certain heavier songs, since they are all so beautiful and so easily apply to House and his group. I'm predicting around 15 more chapters, including a closer where he leaves and people do ask about his music. However, don't quote me on that because it is subject to change. I've added songs and rearranged and taken away from my hard copy list so it's no sure thing. And to clear something up, the songs in this story are not necessarily dedicated to any one person like they were in House M.D. Piano Man. They are more revelations about House's inner character. There may be a few that mean more to a certain person/people, but that wasn't really intentional. Now that I've written and entire paragraph of an intro to a chapter that probably won't be very long, enjoy! **

**PS I invented a memory for this chapter.**

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Flushed and heavy breathing women composed themselves. Captivated men were shaken out of their reverie so as not to miss the next masterpiece. As House played the opening notes, his face was graced with a tenderness so beautiful, so unlike himself. His eyes closed and lips parted it seemed the notes flowing from the instrument were they air he breathed; the tempo, his pulse. It was as though the hypnotist had stared at his own watch, locking himself in a trance. The words began...

_"Well I heard there was a secret chord  
That David played, and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do ya?   
Well it goes like this  
The fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall and the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah   
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah"_

His voice, gruff and tinged with age and memories eased out around the lump of emotion in his throat that threatened to strangle him up on stage. He hadn't played this song since, That Day. Now, in front of all these people, all these strangers, now was not the right time. But he knew there would never be a right time. And if he didn't take the chance presented before him, all these things raging inside him would be trapped forever.__

"Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you  
she tied you to her kitchen chair  
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah  
Hallelujah   
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah"

"Oh God...I can't believe he's playing this song. He hasn't played it since the funeral." Wilson stared in awe at his friend, surprised he would strip his layers away like this, purely for the sake of honest music.

"Funeral?" The spoke in whispers. It just seemed natural.

"House had a brother...he died in a car accident when House was a teenager. His dad made him play this song at the funeral. House hasn't even listened to it since then. I can't believe he would play it now." No one said anything else. No one need to. It was clear House was trying to give them something. Trying to show them he wasn't all bad.__

"Well baby I've been here before  
I know this room and I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew ya  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
Love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah   
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah"

The screech of tires was a contrast to the lullaby-like sound caressing his ears. His eyes flashed open and there in the shiny black finish of the piano was the road at night. And there he was in the drivers seat. Stopping at the stop sign like a good driver. He starts to go and out of no where a speeding black Honda slams into the passengers side. Into David. And he's not even screaming. Greg is though. Screaming David's name and touching his arm, but too scared to shake him. And he can't understand why David is so quiet, so still. Where is that blood on his neck coming from? Why are his eyes closed? He wasn't tired, he couldn't have fallen asleep...__

"Well there was a time when you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show that to me do you?  
And remember when I moved in you?  
And the holy dove was moving too  
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah   
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah"

He didn't stumble over the notes. He was expecting this. For once, he expected the car. He knew the drunk driver was coming. But God damn it, he still couldn't get out of the way in time. But he didn't stumble over the notes. It might wake David. He was so tired, he needed his sleep.__

"Well maybe there's a God above  
But all I've ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot somebody who'd out drew ya  
And it's not a cry that you hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah   
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah"

He was at the funeral now. Everyone in black. Everything in black. David hated black. It was such a dead color.__

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah   
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah"

Many in the crowd were crying. House wasn't sure if he was or not. He didn't care either way. No one was close enough to the stage to see a tear if there was one. And if they did he would write it off as sweat. No one had to know what he had done. No one had to know.__

"Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah   
Hallelujah"

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**"Hallelujah" Jeff Buckley (there are other artists but his is the best)**_  
_


	8. Sunny Days Hurt

**Disclaimed.**

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The frown stayed on House's face as he forged through to the next song. He leaned his head back to look at the ceiling as he thought about what to play next. It was true he hadn't thought about his set list until he got onstage. Not that it was a very surprising choice for him. He often liked to surprise himself. Even in the worst ways.

_"Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
Wear the pain like a heavy coat  
I feel you everywhere I go  
See your smile, I see your face  
I hear you laughing in the rain  
Still can't believe your gone"_

Everyone was thinking to themselves. No one really had anything to say to something as awe inspiring that. How could you? Wilson was so proud that House had finally done what he had been telling him to do for years. Cuddy was so scared about what it would do to him. She was already calculating in her head the days she should give him off clinic. This was so much more than she had expected.__

"It ain't fair you died to young  
Like a story that had just begun   
But death tore the pages all away  
God knows how I miss you   
All the hell that I've been through  
Just knowing, no one could take your place  
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today"

Foreman was clearly unsure how to react. This was not the House he knew. The House he had studied and watched, trying to figure out how to extract the good parts from the bad parts. One thing _was_ clear to him tonight though. He couldn't ever mimic _just_ the good parts. Not when there were so many hidden passageways and levels to who House was, and what made the man before him. This beacon of iconic misanthropy that day after day surprised and confused the young doctor. If only he knew how confused the icon himself was.__

"Would you see the world  
Would you chase your dreams  
Settle down with a family  
I wonder what would you name your babies  
Someday's the sky's so blue  
I feel like I can talk to you  
And I know it might sound crazy"

Silent tears crawled down cheeks red from wiping. It wasn't fair. The man she loved shouldn't remind her so much of her husband. What injustice was she doing them both? Thinking of another man when she should be focused on the other. She was a horrible person for loving two men at the same time. Cameron raised the tissue once more to her face.__

"It ain't fair you died to young  
Like a story that had just begun   
But death tore the pages all away  
God knows how I miss you   
All the hell that I've been through  
Just knowing, no one could take your place  
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Today, today  
Today, today"

Stacy wondered where this House had come from. This was not a man she recognized. How had she missed this? Was she truly so blinded by lust and aggravation toward him that she had bypassed some of his most wonderful parts?__

"Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
I wear the pain like a heavy coat  
The only thing that gives me hope  
Is I know, I'll see you again someday"

It almost killed House to think about what David may have become. The man he might have been if there had been no accident. He thought about being his brother's best man, an uncle to his brother's children. He thought about how he would probably never have and kids, and had left his parents without grandchildren. So many lives had been tainted, ruined by one person's stupid mistake behind the wheel. Maybe one day he would think differently...but it had been over thirty years. If the day hadn't come yet...would it ever?

_"Someday, someday"_


	9. Fix the Broken

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Silence. It blanketed the room. House knew if he spoke, tried to explain those songs or give their titles, he knew he would lose it. He knew he would break. He needed to keep making music. Music was all that would ever matter. He forced himself on.

_"When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse"_

Pretty faced Cameron leaned forward in her seat. Allowing herself to get completely wrapped up in the melody. She found just listening gave her a sense of peace and helped staunch the tears flowing from the memory of her husband. She knew he would want her to find love. That had always been the idea when they got married. But she still felt guilty falling for a man who clearly was not interested.__

"And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?"

Lights will guide you home,  
And ignite your bones,  
And I will try to fix you,"

Foreman knuckled his eye before the tear could fall. Everywhere he looked he saw his mother. A woman so perfect in every way, yet totally lost within her own mind. Part of him felt she could never truly love him like a son, because she had forgotten so much. So many fights when he was younger. But she always put up with it, put up with him. He would run away claiming he would never come back, and when he walked through the door a couple days later, head hung in shame, gnawing on his lip, there on the table would be a hot plate with his favorite food. All was forgiven. Hopefully he loved her enough for both of them, though sometimes it did feel pointless.__

"High up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you"

Chase was astonished. The songs had crawled down his throat and stolen his words. It was as if they were inside of him, listening to who he was, instead of the other way around. He thought for a moment he had lost his mind. But truly, he knew House had only borrowed it for a moment. This feeling of arrested lucidity was only for the night, though Chase wished it could last longer. He felt almost drunk on emotion. For the first time ever, Chase felt within his soul, a night like this would not happen again for the people in this room. Whether it was a trick of his own mind, the haze of alcohol draped lazily over him or there was truly magic in the air, he knew it would not happen again.__

"Tears stream down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down on your face  
And I

Tears stream down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down on your face  
And I"

Cuddy almost wanted to smile. Tears glazed over her blue eyes. She hadn't seen passion like this come from him in so long. It gave her hope. More hope than she had possessed in a long time.__

"Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you"

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**"Fix You" Coldplay**


	10. How To Save A Life

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A tentative tune began to peek at the audience from beneath the lid of the piano. It became faster as it went on.

_"Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came"_

To some, the lyrics were confusing, pretty but they didn't make much sense. But some, like Wilson, understood right away. He thought of his brother, who he hadn't seen in 10 years now. Had it really been so long?__

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you   
And pray to God he hears you"

For a long time, House had wondered why Wilson had put up with him and his drug use. He hadn't understood why someone so perfect and against law breaking could befriend and addict. Then Wilson told him about his addicted brother. The one he had given and ultimatum to. It seemed to make sense to House now. __

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life"

Wilson hadn't let his brother walk all over him the way House did. He didn't allow him to stay in his life after he had been betrayed over and over. There had been interventions and chances given and they had all been tossed back into his face. And look where he was now. He had no idea where his brother was. He wasn't even sure he was alive anymore, or if the drugs had finally won out. He hadn't spoken to the person who used to be his best friend in 10 years. Why would he take that chance now? Maybe...maybe if he did everything differently with House, the outcome would be different. Maybe if he tried something different with House he could keep his best friend. As screwed up as their relationship was, Wilson couldn't lose another brother.__

"As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life"

House worried about Wilson. About what this song would bring up for him. But he had dealt with his brother's song, so should Wilson. Looking out of the corner of his eye into the audience, he saw people looking guiltily at their martinis and stubbing out the better halves of cigarettes. More and more people picked up their waters and gave their scotch on the rocks' back to the waiters. House wanted to smile. This was unexpected.__

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life  
How to save a life"

House's team wasn't completely sure what was going on, but they knew it was something big for their boss. They knew it was good.__

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness   
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend   
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life"

Cuddy looked around at the people handing back their alcohol and she smiled at the stage. She didn't know if House saw what she saw, but she hoped he did. She hoped he knew.

_"How to save a life"_

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**"How To Save A Life" The Fray**


	11. Bird On A Wire

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A slow, simple song glided through the room from the stage. It was a peaceful tune. Not angst ridden or choked with emotion. But with small words it had so much to say.

_"Like a bird on the wire,  
Like a drunk in a midnight choir  
I have tried in my way to be free."_

Cuddy gave a smile. Her mind wandered years back to the days when Greg would race into class mere seconds before the bell rang. Always talking, miles of friends, and not a free spot on his calendar to be had. He did what he wanted, sometimes with respect, sometimes not so much. Usually, it depended on who you were. These were the days before his light humor turned bitter and cruel. Before his auburn curls greyed and thinned. Though he was thin, he had more meat on him now than back in those days. She thought how odd it was none of her memories of Greg included rainy days but his eyes always seemed stormy, even when they flashed with the lightening of laughter. How she missed sunny days on the beach and skipping class to go to art exhibits or museums or the zoo. He was so passionate. As though he held the sun within him, tanned skin and veins of liquid golden rays. He was so free back then.

_"Like a worm on a hook,  
Like a knight from some old fashioned book  
I have saved all my ribbons for thee._

_If I have been unkind,  
I hope that you can just let it go by.  
If I have been untrue  
I hope you know it was never to you."_

Wilson thought back to their Welton days. Before college, when they would sneak out to the woods at night to recite poetry and suck the marrow out of life. He was sure he never would have gone, had House not convinced him. The times they had had when they were younger, getting the best education available and not really giving a damn, were honey dripping from the lips of his mind. House always made him want to do more, want to be more, and he's probably the reason he had gotten as far as he had today. He thought about all the honors and awards he had won and knew in his heart of hearts, he owed them all to House, though neither man would ever admit it.

_"Like a baby, stillborn,  
Like a beast with his horn  
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.  
But I swear by this song  
And by all that I have done wrong  
I will make it all up to thee."_

Chase wanted to smile. This song touched him somehow. Brought tears of hope from his heart to dance at the corners of his eyes. Blurring his vision as he allowed the music to take him away to a place where maybe, he had a chance.

_"I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,  
He said to me, "You must not ask for so much."  
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,  
She cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"_

Cameron flinched empathetically as she caught the wince of bitterness as he sang about the beggar and his crutch. It was so clear to her that he felt like a beggar, a cripple, every time anyone waited for him, just to hold the door, or stared at him and his cane. Greg House was not a young man, but he was certainly too young for a cane. It wasn't fair. But she knew, he accepted it. He didn't ask for the help that was spit in his face by handicapped parking and sympathetic strangers and he hadn't yet given in to a wheelchair. He fought for the freedom he had and it pained him every second of the day.

_"If I have been unkind,  
I hope that you can just let it go by.  
If I have been untrue  
It was never to you."_

Foreman furrowed his brow and looked at the table. He thought about everything he'd been given by House. The knowledge and strength along with the frustration and put downs. If he truly weighed his gifts from the man, he could never be gracious enough.__

"Oh like a bird on the wire,  
Like a drunk in a midnight choir  
I have tried in my way to be free."

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**"Bird on a Wire" KD Lang does it best.**

**For those of you who noticed, yes I put House and Wilson together in Welton Academy from Dead Poet's Society (awesome movie go watch it) and make a Thoreau reference. You get cool points for catching that. I didn't make this chapter as angsty because I felt they needed an emotional breather after the first few chapters, especially Hallelujah. Hope you enjoyed it and there's more on the way! No go review ..Smile..**


	12. Staggering Steps Lead to Falls

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House continued on, barely a pause between songs. In his head he dedicated this song to his father, but he knew even if he had said it out loud to his father, the older man would never listen. He knew this song would scare Wilson a bit, who was already worried about how much House would drink some nights, but it was no where near what his father would drink. He would never be like that man. He hoped.

_"I remember looking up  
To look up to him  
And I remember most the time  
He wasn't there  
I'd be waiting at the door  
When he got home at night  
He'd pass me by to go to pass out in his chair"_

Glancing into the crowd for the first real time that night, he saw a swooning Cameron, an awe-struck Chase, a pensive Foreman, a self-satisfied Cuddy and, just like expected, a worried Wilson. It was in his blood.__

"And I'd say  
Walk a little straighter daddy  
You're swaying side to side  
You're footsteps make me dizzy  
And no matter how I try   
I keep tripping and stumbling  
If you'd look down here you'd see  
Walk a little straighter daddy  
You're leading me"

Cameron was absolutely in love. Not with the stories he was telling, but she had thought she knew every facet to the man known as Gregory House. Clearly, by tonights show, there was so much more she didn't know about. And all she wanted to do was know every story, every scar, every laugh line. She wanted to read his past like a good book that tears you up inside and no matter how sad or scary it was, you just couldn't put it down. That was how she felt about him. No matter how much he hurt her, she just couldn't stop.__

"He stumbled in the gym  
On graduation day  
And I couldn't help but feel  
So ashamed  
And I wasn't surprised a bit  
When he didn't stay  
He stumbled out before they called my name"

House wondered whether or not Wilson remembered that day the way he did. He remembered looking to Wilson when his father walked in, hoping he hadn't seen. But he had, of course. They were almost brothers, how could he not? He never told Wilson about his dad. About the drinking and abuse. House felt that everyone in the world had problems, so who was he to be someone who tossed his onto everyone else's backs? Wilson however, was the type of person to wrestle your loads away from you, forcing you to deal with them. Not always the best method, but it surely helped. Sure he had issues now, but he had to hand it to Wilson, he was as well adjusted as he was probably going to get, and that was all thanks to Wilson.__

"And I thought  
Walk a little straighter daddy  
You're swaying side to side  
It's not just me who's watching  
you've caught everybody's eye  
And you're tripping and stumbling  
and even though I've turned 18  
Walk a little straighter daddy  
You're still leading me"

He hadn't realized when he was little that dads were supposed to be role models to their little boys. He never knew he was supposed to want to grow up to be just like him. There wasn't a time in his life House had ever wanted to be his father. Every atom of his body prayed he was different, for everyone's sakes.__

"The old mans still like he always was  
But I love him anyway  
If I've learned one thing from him  
Its my kids will never have to say

"Walk a little straighter daddy  
You're swaying side to side  
You're footsteps make me dizzy  
And no matter how I try  
I keep tripping and stumbling  
if you'd look down here you'd see  
Walk a little straighter daddy  
You're leading me"

House thought more than he probably should about kids. Not so much whether or not he wanted kids, more along the lines of if he DID have kids, what kind of father would he be? He had always heard, the abused grow to abuse. He knew not every case was the same, but if he ever did have kids, he would probably screw them up somehow. The abused may not grow to abuse, but everyone grows to screw up their kids. It was inevitable.__

"Yeah walk a little straighter daddy  
You're leading me."

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**"Walk a Little Straighter" Billy Currington**_  
_


	13. Stay Gone

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**I'd like to give a special thank you to one of my favorite reviewers Buscagliaism. Thanks for all the support!!**

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House had done a lot of thinking about Stacy since she had come back to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Where they had been together, and where they could still go, if both parties were willing. He had thought about the drunken nights staying up late talking to Wilson about life, love and the lack of fairness in it all. He thought about limping into work for months after, bags under his eyes, whiskey on his breath, and pain in his heart. He had thought about the happy times that the two had had together, and as was evident in her attic, that they most definitely still could have. He thought about the love they made behind Mark's back and wondered if she had ever told him. He weighed the pro and cons in his head over and over again, late into the night and early into the morning. Finally, he had come up with an answer.

_"I've found peace of mind, I'm feeling good again  
I'm on the other side, back among the living  
Ain't a cloud in the sky  
All my tears have been cried  
And I can finally say_

Baby baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone"

He didn't look into the crowd to find those chocolate brown eyes he had loved so hard for so long. He knew if he saw her, there was a good chance he would change his tune, and he desperately needed to get this out. He needed to rip the bandage of time off in a single motion and cut all ties before it hurt him worse than he already was.__

"I still love you and I will forever  
We can't hide the truth  
We know each other better  
When we try to make it work  
We both end up hurt  
It ain't supposed to be that way

Baby baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone"

For the first time that night, Stacy felt tears well up in her eyes. Somewhere within her, she knew she had hoped coming back would spark something, reignite feelings so long buried that still smoldered. The heat of the memories unsettling her stomach and squeezing her heart, not letting her sleep at night. Making her turn cold in her husbands arms, no matter how tightly he held her. She wouldn't stay married long. She would run again, just like always. She loved Mark, and he was good to her, good for her. But there was no way she could ever forget Greg. She could hold fast to the lie that was her marriage, but the pull of the past was too strong and she knew it. She couldn't have both, and her love for Greg held her, and would not seem to set her free. She would leave Mark. In one year or twenty, she would leave. And it killed her to know that after she let him go, there would only be a door in her face if she tried to go back to the man she truly loved. Mistakes had clearly been made, by all three of the people involved. But once you cut a ribbon, it will never go back together.__

"When we try to make it work  
We both end up hurt  
Love ain't supposed to be that way

So baby baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In ooh in God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone"

House knew Stacy heard the song, and knew what it meant. He knew he was breaking away from one of the happiest times in his life, but it had to be done. For his sanity and hers, it had to be done.__

I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone"

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**"Stay Gone" Jimmy Wayne**

**Love is like the ocean. It takes its form based on the shore it lays itself upon. But every shore is different and the same wave never touches a beach twice. Your best chance is getting caught in a tide pool. -Emmy M.D.**_  
_


	14. Can't Forget

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Stacy tossed back the rest of her drink and was halfway out the door when House began his next song. She didn't stop, didn't look back. She knew it was over. There was no hope for the pair, it was time she accepted that, no matter how much it hurt her. The song he played was slow and mournful. It bled and healed, and bled again.

_"People say she's only in my head  
Gonna take time but I'll forget  
Say I need to get on with my life  
What they don't realize_

It's when you're dialing six numbers just to hang up the phone  
Driving 'cross town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not fall asleep  
Cause you know she will be there in your dreams  
That's when she's  
More than a memory"

Cuddy looked forlornly at the stage, only hoping to be a woman he would sing about. Hoping he could have so much passion in him for her that it would spill out of his fingertips onto empty pages and the keys of a piano. She wanted to be the inspiration that led him to create beauty out of nothing, as though he plucked it out of thin air and molded it into magic.__

"Took a match to everything she ever wrote  
Watched every word go up in smoke  
Tore all her pictures off the wall  
That aint helping me at all"

Chase listened to the song very carefully. He had never thought House and him could ever find anything in common. Slyly looking out of the corner of his eye at Cameron he realised how wrong he had been to think that. And how wrong he had been to let her go. Maybe he should tell her he loved her, instead of just saying 'like.' It was as though House had stuck his hand into Chase's heart and soul and pulled out all the feeling and put it into words set to music. It was heart wrenching and soul lifting and depressingly perfect.__

'"Cause when you're talking out loud but nobody's there  
You look like hell and you just don't care  
you're drinking more than you ever drank  
sinking down lower than you ever sank  
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees  
Praying to God, begging him "please"  
That's when she's  
More than a memory

_She's more...she's more"_

Foreman was still in awe that the man he knew as Gregory House, misanthropic bastard extraordinaire, had this hidden vault of humanity buried under years of sarcasm and all together jerk-like behavior. It was beautiful.

_"Cause when you're dialing her number just to hang up the phone  
Driving 'cross town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not fall asleep  
Cause you know she will be there in your dreams  
That's when she's  
More than a memory"_

Wilson's mind walked back to years long past. Of waking up to the shrill ring of an incessant telephone and a distraught House on the other line, asking him to come over to watch some television and talk. And of course Wilson would oblige, stopping to pick up some beer on the way without being asked like a good enabler should. No one ever knew about those late night conversations and revelations but the two men that took part. It was as if an oath spoken long ago in the woods near Welton Academy still kept its vice like grip upon the men's mouths when they would think about spilling the other's secrets to someone who shouldn't know. That was the way they liked it. Like a secret club, strangers stay out.__

"People say she's only in my head  
Gonna take time but I'll forget"  


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**"More Than a Memory" sung by Garth Brooks (but Lee Brice wrote it and sings it better)**


	15. Numb

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House's next piece was quicker. Some were foolish enough to believe the mood, however lovely, would lift, and they would again see the man they knew to be House. Not this stranger up on the stage, spilling all the feelings he had kept hidden for so long. Those who thought that, should have known better to think they had any part in what was happening that night. This was not for them. This was for House's ducklings, his best friend, his ex lover and boss. This was for House.

_"If you're tellin' me I'm not on fire  
You're just preachin' to the choir  
I've gotten dull as old barbed wire from livin'  
Last night I watched the evening news  
It was the same old nothin' new   
It should have cut me right in two  
But it didn't  
I don't know why it didn't"_

The years of Cameron thinking there was more to House than what met the eye were finally justified. It was official, Gregory House had a heart, and God, what a heart it was. This far surpassed any of her expectations. Salty tears clung to her eyes, quivering, spilling over onto fair cheeks, rosy with passion and hope. She was amazed as she saw what he was doing. He was burning away the layers. The brittle mask that he wore to cover and protect himself was torn away and tossed into the past. She was unsure how work would be the next day, but she didn't want to think about that right now. An enigma was being unraveled and she wanted to soak it all in.__

"But I wanna feel somethin'  
Somethin' that's a real somethin'  
That moves me, that proves to me I'm still alive  
I wanna heart that beats and bleeds  
A heart that's bustin' at the seams  
I wanna care, I wanna cry, I wanna scream  
I just wanna feel somethin'"

It was quite possible that the only people who knew House didn't like House, were Wilson and Cuddy. Sure, everyone assumed he was unhappy, but no one knew just how unhappy. No one but those two at least. Tonight, that was going to change.__

"If you're tellin' me that's just how it is  
I don't buy it cause once I was kissed  
By a brown-headed girl with cherry lips  
On her porch when I was sixteen  
And I felt it somewhere in my soul and time stood still and I couldn't let go  
I can't tell you cause I don't know how I got so cold  
When did I get so cold?"

House's eye wander to the corner of it's socket and landed upon Cameron. He was singing about her, but he didn't want the whole audience to know. He thought back on the bittersweet memory of what happened in his office that day she kissed him. She walked out that door with his breath in her pocket and no blood. It was a good thing she hadn't gotten her sample. The second he realized what she was doing his blood turned to ice and froze in his veins. He had never felt so betrayed, not even when Stacy left. __

"I just wanna feel somethin'  
Somethin' that's real, somethin'  
That moves me, that proves to me I'm still alive  
Run my fingers through your fingers, across your face and through your hair  
And close my eyes and breathe you in like air  
I just wanna feel somethin'"

Cameron's breath caught as though some unknown force had plucked it straight out of her lungs. She thought back with guilt tinged eyes to The Kiss. She knew it was more for her pleasure than to steal a sample of his blood. The second he started to kiss her back her body numbed and she almost forgot what she was supposed to do. Nothing so sweet had ever been so sad. She bit her lip and took a shaky breath to try to jump start her heartbeat again.__

"I hate that I'm jaded and I make you cry  
But still you stick around me, only God knows why  
Damn it all to hell, I'm done  
Cause I don't like what Ive become  
So come here, baby  
Come here, baby"

House prayed to whatever God there may be that she knew how sorry he was for every hateful thing he had ever done or said to her. But he knew, she couldn't just know. He would have to tell her. That is what he was trying to do tonight, with this song. He could only hope she knew.

_"I just wanna feel somethin'  
Somethin' that's real, somethin'  
That moves me, that proves to me I'm still alive  
Run my fingers through your fingers, across your face and through your hair  
And close my eyes and breathe you in like air  
I just wanna feel somethin'"_

Cameron lost the battle. She sniffed and wept. But it was a cry quiet, as opposed to the wracking, shaking, hopeless sobs that often overtook her at home when no one was around. This was a hold-your-breath-then-almost-hiccup kind of cry. Almost silent, but still noticeable. It hurt. Everything hurt. House looked away. He had made her cry again and this time he wasn't sure why.

_"Come here baby"  
_

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**"I Wanna Feel Something" Trace Adkins**


	16. A World of Hurt

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House rocked his body ever so slightly, keeping time. He pursed his lips. The seemingly calm song had such a sad undertone, yet people were still unsure what to expect.

_"I hurt myself today,  
To see if I still feel,  
I focus on the pain,  
The only thing that's real,_

The needle tears a hole,  
The old familiar sting,  
Try to kill it all away,  
But I remember everything"

Wilson sighed. This was not the House he knew. This was the House he knew there could have been. Open and exposed, letting those he cared about in, if only for a few short songs. Some would wonder if he had written them himself. Most would wake up tomorrow and think they just imagined this curtain of emotion that veiled them all. They would think it was just another ploy to get at Cuddy by bringing everyone down. Some would say he never played those songs at all, afterall, this was Gregory House. Everyone knew he was void of any _real_ emotion. Wilson knew, it was only those people at his table that would be changed by this.__

"What have I become,  
My sweetest friend,  
Everyone I know,  
Goes away in the end,

And you could have it all,  
My empire of dirt,  
I will let you down,  
I will make you hurt"

Cuddy knew House was not only in physical pain, but emotional. With an abusive father and a stagnant mother to raise him, she had no idea how he could have turned out so wonderful. She knew he missed being active. The man who was once the most athletic person she knew, was reduced to hobbling around with a cane. There was no riding accident to break this Superman. No attack leaving him broken. This was merely a result of one's own body turning against itself. It was almost as though his own self loathing, however deeply buried, had finally manifested itself in dead muscle tissue. That seemed like a much harder recovery process than a broken neck. At least with a broken neck you didn't need to feel like your own body, the temple you had so long kept in good condition, had crumbled in upon you. It just wasn't fair. Not fair at all.__

"I wear this crown of thorns,  
Upon my liar's chair,  
Full of broken thoughts,  
I cannot repair,

Beneath the stains of time,  
The feelings disappear,  
You are someone else,  
I am still right here"

The music beneath the lyrics, however simple and repetitive it seemed, somehow ripped your heart out and threw it to the ceiling. Not because you were uplifted, but because with your heart so high above your head, how could you ever compose yourself again? Tantalizing torture. __

"What have I become,  
My sweetest friend,  
Everyone I know,  
Goes away in the end,

And you could have it all,  
My empire of dirt,  
I will let you down,  
I will make you hurt"

House thought about everything he had accomplished. From sports awards to music acknowledgments to recognition in the world of medicine. Yes, he knew these were all great honors, but they seemed so hollow. If he had won, Coolest Guy, or Best Friend, he thought it might mean something. But being able to run fast or plunk out a melody...just didn't seem special enough when you have no one to share it with. Wilson was great...but something was missing in his life.__

"If I could start again,  
A million miles away,  
I will keep myself,  
I would find a way."

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**"Hurt" Originally by Nine Inch Nails, but I went with the Johnny Cash cover because I like it better.**


	17. It's Too Late

**Disclaimed.**

**Sorry for the ridonkulous wait! Rawr...essays, vocab tests, project. School blows chunks. I think I should drop out haha. Someone mentioned that they wanted more interaction. But you have to keep in mind that this is a performance, and House can't have discussion with his friends yet. People will talk in the end (haven't got the last chapter planned yet) but as of right now this is as best I can do. I guess I can try to have his friends talk to each other more but I don't know how well that would fit in with getting swept away by the music. **

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House's music flowed on, not stopping for conversation or applause. He knew they would clap. They always did, whether they liked the music or not. They were far more polite than they were honest. That was one thing he liked about himself. He never had to apologize for _what_ he said. It was after all, the truth. In most cases at least. There were times when maybe, he could apologize for how he said it, but there was no time for that now.

In reality, House hadn't planned a set list. He just played a bit of jazz or classical in between each song until he figured out what he wanted to play, what he wanted to reveal. He made his decision. It was a heavy piece. Deep tones wove their way around the people listening, capturing their attention and drawing it towards the stage.

_"I'm holding on your rope,  
Got me ten feet off the ground  
I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound  
You tell me that you need me  
Then you go and cut me down, but wait  
You tell me that you're sorry  
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that..._

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late"_

The song had more of a beat to it than most of his others. But it was a quiet accompaniment so it didn't take away from the song itself. Many in the crowd found themselves bobbing their heads along and tapping fingers on the tables.

"It's such a pretty song...I never would have seen this coming from House. Who knew?" Chase murmured thoughtfully, staring at the man he sucked up to and clearly idolized. It was bizarre and refreshing all at once. The lovely blonde was having a hard time wrapping his pretty little head around it.

"It's always been there. His constant Ipod, music in his office...he has a player for everything, including vinyls in his office. It's in his heart and soul. It just takes a bit of digging to get to sometimes." Cuddy leaned forward to stare more intently at the man she was so in love with. It had been so long since he had made a real appearance. And what a place to do it.

_I"'d take another chance, take a fall  
Take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
But it's nothing new  
I loved you with a fire red-  
Now it's turning blue, and you say...  
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you  
But I'm afraid..._

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late"_

"I think it's wonderful. Hate to say it boys, but I told you so. The Tin Man does have a heart. He has all along apparently." Cameron smirked triumphantly, but a hint of sadness was still settled in her pretty eyes. They noticed. Of course they had to notice. Cameron is a type of person who you notice when they're sad. But no one said anything. They knew it wasn't the time or place. And that it never would be. "I wonder who he is singing about."

"Could be anybody." Wilson opened his mouth and let out a raspy answer. His voice sounded as if he had either woken up from a long nap, or had swallowed a feeling he wanted to hide before speaking. "Could be his parents, Stacy, Tritter, Cuddy...me. Could be anybody." Cuddy frowned.

"Well like he said, it's too late now."

_"It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
It's too late to apologize, yeah  
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-  
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground..."_

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**"Apologize" One Republic.**

**I have to say I'm not very proud of this chapter. It's short, and shallow. I experimented with the interaction between the listeners, but I don't know how well I like it. Give me your thoughts. I'm going out of town this weekend, so I won't be able to update til Monday at the earliest.**


	18. Erase

**Disclaimed.**

**One more chapter after this and it's over!**

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Yet another mournful melody drifted from the shining black piano to the audience and their perked ears. Interest was at it's highest and no one was willing to even take a bathroom break. A haunted and strained voice peeked out from the man's tense throat to mingle with the lovely music already floating through the room.

_"Bad move, baby I let you in  
You're a tattoo under my skin  
And I can't wash it off  
It's a permanent mark"_

Wilson thought back to House's recovery from the infarction. How he had helped his broken friend do the simple tasks like dressing and bathing that he could not do for himself. He had seen House and all the scars that adorned his worn flesh. Scars that would never fade away. Scars that hurt just when you glanced at them.

_"I try to let it go, I try to chill  
But still I feel I'm under your spell  
Oh why the hell can't I just move on?  
Your memory stays with me  
I can't escape, I'm running in place  
I can't erase you_

_My mind won't let you just disappear  
And I can't find any way, any way out of here  
Cause you're stuck in my brain  
And it's a miserable pain"_

Cuddy dusted off an ancient memory of a visit to House's parents home. One he had not wanted her to be a part of, but she insisted on being there for him. His mother's over abundance of concern and glances at his arms when his sleeves were pushed up. When they were alone she grilled him and started an argument until he just spit it in her face. She knew he wasn't always happy, but she had never suspected...Now that she had lost him, everything she had done wrong with him hovered at the back of her eyes, clouding her vision and decisions involving the brilliant misanthropic son of a bitch she loved. She just couldn't seem to let him go.

_"I try to let it go, I try to chill  
But still I feel I'm under your spell  
Oh why the hell can't I just move on?  
Your memory stays with me  
I can't escape, I'm running in place  
I can't erase you_

_I'd give anything to be free from you and me,  
Me and you, what can I do?  
Oh what can I do?"_

Tears tugged at the corners of Cameron's lovely sad eyes. The song was...it was beautiful anguish set to music. The epitome of who House was. It was too perfect in every way. It was so perfect it made her want to explode into nothingness to be in the very center of everything. She remembered her husband and every other young infatuation she had ever had. Nothing would erase them, but unlike House, Cameron wouldn't have it any other way. She couldn't even begin to grasp what it was like to have a past of everything you want to forget, but don't have the ability to.

_"I try to let it go, I try to chill  
But still I feel I'm under your spell  
Oh why the hell can't I just move on?  
Your memory stays with me  
I can't escape, I'm running in place  
I can't erase you"_

_**0123456789876543210**_

**I hate how short it is, but I think it still fits. I'm heavily medicated so you'll have to excuse it. Mer.**

**"If people bring so much courage to this world, the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places but those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these, you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry." -Hemingway**


	19. Don't Go To Deep

**Disclaimed.**

**Sorry sorry sorry. I got a little bad about updates, but this is it! The end of the story! It's over! Sadness...anyway...less Author's Notes, more story. **

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House painted a thoughtful expression on his face. He played a soothing melody, giving the audience time to lick their wounds before he played another emotionally driven song. He was trying to ease up. This for him had been an experiment, a sort of show and tell. This was a chance to shock the people in his world, and at the same time give them a chance to see who he was on the inside of his life-hardened shell. He was showing the world a glimpse of the raw man on the inside of the heavy, protective armor he wore upon his crippled body. He chose his song.

_"I would have given you all of my heart  
But there's someone who's torn it apart  
And she's taken just all that I have  
But if you want I'll try to love again  
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know..._

The first cut is the deepest  
Baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest  
But when it comes to bein' lucky, she's cursed  
When it comes to lovin' me, she's worst..."

Cuddy wanted to burst into a million pieces right then and there. This was not a song for a love of the past. This was a song about a love of the past. A song like this was for someone new. A fair warning that the past was in the past, but the scars would last forever. Shining white lines criss crossed all over his being. His arms, his leg, his heart. Scars from himself and others. Scars you could see, and many you couldn't. He wasn't singing to her. He wasn't singing to her and it liked to have broken her fragile heart. She took consolation in the fact, that although he wasn't hoping for another chance at what they had, he also didn't look back on it with less than fond memories. She was no Stacy. She was never Stacy. Cuddy wanted to both smile for joy, and cry desolate tears of those we look upon with near apathy.__

"I still want you by my side  
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried  
And I'm sure gonna give you a try  
If you want I'll try to love again, try  
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know..."

The left side of Wilson's lips curved up, reaching for his eyes. Respect for Cuddy pushed it back down, but happiness for House and a certain other female doctor tried it's damnedest to pull it back up again. He could only hope the girl this song was for, would realize just what it could mean for the two of them. He could only hope she would realize...__

"Oh,  
The first cut is the deepest  
Baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest  
But when it comes to bein' lucky, she's cursed  
But when it comes to lovin' me, she's worst..."

House fingers played across the black and white keys easily. A simple song for such a profound proposition. House was unsure whether or not she got the idea. And it was only the fear that she had understood, but wouldn't smile that prevented him from making a sidelong glance to her table. If she was clueless, he could take that. Hell, if she was it was through his fault and no other. He had done everything he could to push her away. To keep her from finding the man he openly displayed on stage. Tonight was as much for her as it was for himself.__

"I still want you by my side  
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried  
But I'm sure gonna give you a try  
Cause if you want I'll try to love again  
Try to love again, try to love again  
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know, oh..."

Cuddy leaned over to Wilson to whisper appraising words with a choked voice. Wilson look at her glazed eyes with sympathy and placed an arm around her shoulder. Not quite appropriate behavior for a boss and employee in public, but tonight no one was looking. Tonight everyone has their eyes glued to the stage.

_  
"The first cut is the deepest  
Baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest  
When it comes to bein' lucky, she's cursed  
When it comes to lovin' me, she's worst"_

Cameron sat, one hand in her lap with the shredded napkin she had demolished in order to keep herself from crying throughout the night, and one hand on the table. Everything swirled around inside her. She, like Cuddy, realized first, who this song _wasn't_ for before she allowed herself to ponder to whom it _could be_ for. Christmas-like hope strangled her throat and made her want to squeal. A very adult sensibility told her, he had said no enough times to realize he wasn't interested in her. But, as always, hope is hope and will not let the fires of past rejections stop it from rising from the ashes. She bit her lip.__

"Oh, the first cut is the deepest  
Baby I know, baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest  
Try to love again..."

House sat at the piano a moment. Chuckling to himself, he thought of what he had just done. This was not a move one could easily erase. It was over and done with and could not be taken back. He stood, gave a deep nod, and walked off stage with his head held high.

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Cameron pretended to be looking for something in her silver clutch. Cuddy was off speaking with investors and mingling a bit before everyone left. Foreman and Chase were at the bar getting drinks. Wilson tapped her gently on the arm.

"You don't have to pretend to be waiting you know. He'd be offended if he thought you were unsure whether or not he wanted you here. He'd think tonight was a failure or something." He gave her a reassuring grin. Cameron felt his confidence in her rush over her small frame in waves of support. The worry receded to the back of her mind.

"Do you really think so? I mean...I just..."

"Yes, House has been an idiot in the past. But with all the cases and puzzles he has solved and all the brilliant things he's done...I believe tonight is the smartest move he's made in a long time. Just sit there for a bit. He'll be out looking for you soon, once a few more people leave." With another smile and a small wave, Wilson walked for the bar. Now that Cameron was once more alone, she let a small grin dress her tender lips and looked to her lap to cover it. A few more moments in solitude and the bar shut down and people filed out. There were only a few stragglers left as Cuddy stood at the door. House glanced around the corner from the wings of the stage and saw her alone. Clearing his throat, he slowly walked over to her.

"House it was...it was lovely." A hint of a tear peeked from the corner of her eye, and out of politeness both parties ignored it.

"I've done better...but thanks." He glanced at his feet and hoped the collar of his snow white pressed shirt covered the crimson blush creeping up the back of his tanned neck. She gave a smile and a nod. For what seemed like the longest time, neither moved nor spoke. The sound of distant clinking of glasses and polite conversation faded to a hum of unnoticeable background noise. Finally, eyes locked.

"Look...as I'm sure you can tell I'm not much for the hustle...but maybe sometime I could take you out slow dancing." House looked everywhere but her face. Tonight, after all his exposure, rejection was not something he would be taking well. Had he looked, he would have seen her heart leap from her chest to her delicate throat and a pair of stars drift from the night sky to settle in those pretty eyes.

"I think that would be...yes. Yes." The pair grinned and tried not to look as relieved and giddy as they were. Taking her arm he led her out to her car. Cuddy stared at them with a different kind of stars in her eyes. As sad as she was for herself, she was doubly happy for the two. This would be good for both of them.

House could barely contain himself. This night was more than he had even come close to planning. This time he wouldn't mess it up. The past was there, in his front pocket. But he wasn't going to take it out again any time soon.

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**"The First Cut Is The Deepest" Sheryl Crow**

_**"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter- to-morrow we will run faster, stretch our arms out farther...And one fine morning-**_

_**So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." -The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald**_

**I tried to make this chapter evoke a similar feeling to the one I get from my favorite quote from an amazing book. (see above quote) Anyhow...review!**_**  
**_


	20. Song List

**Howdy howdy folks!! First off, sorry if this set off your story alert and got your hopes up. But I realize in a couple chapters I forgot to put the song titles...oops! I've had a few messages about them, and so I'm going to post the entire song list here for you all now. Also, there are two of you making a cd of the songs, so hopefully this will help you out. The artists aren't necessarily the original or the only ones to perform the song, but they are the one who sing the versions I used to write this story. I'm a little sad the story is over. It was one of my favorites to write. There will not be an epilogue, but someone mentioned a sequel. I haven't made a decision yet, but I'm really thinking about it. Anyway, here's the list!!**

**Chapter 2: Unwell - Matchbox Twenty**

**Chapter 3: Hand Me Down - The Wallflowers**

**Chapter 4: Superman - Five for Fighting**

**Chapter 5: The Curse - 1993 movie, Rigoletto**

**Chapter 6: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer**

**Chapter 7: Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley**

**Chapter 8: Who You'd Be Today - Kenny Chesney**

**Chapter 9: Fix You - Coldplay**

**Chapter 10: How to Save a Life - The Fray**

**Chapter 11: Bird on a Wire - Kd Lang**

**Chapter 12: Walk a Little Straighter - Billy Currington**

**Chapter 13: Stay Gone - Jimmy Wayne**

**Chapter 14: More Than a Memory - Lee Brice (or Garth Brooks)**

**Chapter 15: I Wanna Feel Something - Trace Adkins**

**Chapter 16: Hurt - Johnny Cash**

**Chapter 17: Apologize - One Republic**

**Chapter 18: Erase - Phil Vassar**

**Chapter 19: The First Cut is the Deepest - Sheryl Crow**


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